Nowadays, it seems people are looking more into the energy and vibes of what people bring into their lives and we could not be happier. It is never okay to settle, and that includes how people treat you. Treating others how you treat them should be a common law, but some people do not have enough self-worth to know that treating people badly is not going to make them feel better. It is important to listen to that little voice inside our heads telling us something is not okay. Check out these four things to look out for when dealing with toxic people, and three ways to kindly tell them to kick rocks!
Can you be yourself?
When you cannot be yourself around a person, there is an issue. If they have a problem with how you are or how you look which makes you feel insecure, try to gauge if it’s them or you. Did they give you reason to feel this way? Or, do you just feel like you can’t compare?
You should never have to change how you are to convert to another person’s liking. If they do not like you for you, then you should not waste your energy entertaining them. When a person shows you their true colors, we have learned it is important to believe them as who they are when they do. If the issue is you, take some time to self-reflect and get to the root of your insecurities.
Do you feel blackmailed?
There is no reason to have a relationship with an individual when the foundation is blackmail. If you are friends with them because you do not want them to share something about you, then you shouldn’t be friends with them in the first place. Friends are people you can trust, not someone you have to bend over backwards for just to keep a secret. Being blackmailed is the worst, so why subject yourself to it when you do not have to? Some people enjoy having control over other people, do not give anyone control over you!
Is it 50/50?
There are many times when you find yourself in a relationship that can feel like everything is 50/50 in the beginning. Keep an eye out when you begin to see a change in your relationship. If you are always the one picking up the bill, or if you are always the one having to go out of your way, it may be a toxic relationship. Relationships should not consist of one party doing more than the other does. It is a major no, but most importantly, it is a sign of the other person using you.
Do you feel heard?
Many times in relationships whether romantic, friendly or professional it is imperative to know if the people you consider are not hearing your feelings. If the relationship is you constantly, being the ignored and emotions that is a red flag. Not having a voice in this world is the worst feeling a person can feel. We have all seen the Disney film Little Mermaid and how Ariel had no voice. The struggle she went through was out of this world and no one should have to subject themselves to such.
Now that you have an idea of what a toxic person can do, check out these three way to tell them to kick rocks and do not look back:
Communicate to the individual the things that bother you. Do not feel the need to use choice words because the fact of the matter is they did not use choice feelings when considering you. When you communicate how you feel, and why you no longer want that person in your space, they should respect it and leave it alone. There is no reason why you should subject yourself to negativity when you do not have to. Once you have communicated how you feel and where you are coming from, a weight negativity will leave you.
Once you have encountered a toxic person in your life, you will never let a toxic person come back. You will set boundaries that have never been set before and you will know a toxic person a mile away. Make it clear what you will and what you will not accept in your life. It is important to save your sanity because if you do not, no one will. You do not have to defend yourself against why you do not want to subject yourself to being around certain people who aren’t good for you.
When you have officially removed the toxic out of your life, you will run and never look back. Before you officially cut ties from someone, you can let them know where you are coming from in hopes they will not treat others how they treated you. If you do not feel the need to entertain them anymore, you can also go ghost on them.
Stop picking up their calls, block them on social media and eventually they will get the hint. If they still, for some reason, don’t get it, then there is always starting fresh and that includes changing your number and making sure they never get it. Be sure to not fall back into their web of lies and manipulation, stay strong and keep pushing on!
Related: Spotting a Toxic Relationship
There is no handbook for avoiding toxic people because, most times, toxic people do not even realize they are toxic. At least one toxic person has entered into your life, and whether they are still there today is up to you.
However, once you spotted a toxic person we can promise you, you will forever spot them and stay clear from them. Have you ever had to weed out a negative person? If so which approach did you use? Like our Facebook page, and do not forget to follow us on IG & Twitter @citygirlavings.