Whether you’ve been single for a while or just got out of a long-term relationship, your first date with someone new is always nerve-wracking! What should you talk about? What conversations should you avoid on the first date? You may be surprised to learn that there are actually a few first date rules of etiquette, and what better place to learn them from than eHarmony?! The online dating site has been pairing couples for decades! Today, we’re sharing eHarmony’s first date dos and don’ts!
First Date Dos
“1. Maintain your information boundaries. Even though your long-term goal may be to establish a “we,” you must remember you are still an “I.” On the first date, you don’t want to be an “open book.” Save your personal information for later when the foundations of trust and intimacy have been established.
2. Create a balance between the two “I’s. Your “I” is aiming for a peek into your date’s “I” to determine the possibility of a second date. Listen to your date and show interest. Likewise, bring yourself honestly to the table by sharing what you want your date to know about you. You shouldn’t wait passively for your date to run the show. Regardless of who initiated the meet, take control by asking questions that will give you insight into their character. However, it is important to be mindful that your inquiries could prompt your date to ask the same of you, so try not to ask a question you wouldn’t be willing to answer in return.
3. Before your date, do a little soul searching. Be honest about what kind of a partner you are looking for and what kind of partner you can be.
4. Be authentic and real. You are asking (and anticipating) honesty and some level of transparency from your date, to which you should offer the same. This does not, however, mean you must share your darkest secrets.
5. Be calm, not overly emotional or dramatic. While it’s healthy to emote, over-dramatization can be viewed as a turn-off. More often than not, keeping yourself relaxed will put your date at ease as well and open the door for a more open and honest discussion.
6. Reveal your strengths, not your weaknesses. People want to see what’s good about a potential partner, so make sure you do yourself justice. It’s okay to sell your positives, so long as you don’t seem boastful.
7. Be polite and considerate. Nothing kills a date faster than rudeness. Remember, if you’re expecting your date to conduct themselves in a certain manner, you should exhibit that same behavior in return.”
First Date Don’ts
“1. Do not talk about your ex(es). It is best not to resurrect the wrongs of your past relationships because you can inadvertently reflect light on possible previous mistakes. Besides, you are looking to move forward, not back.
2. Don’t mention your finances. You want your date to get to know your personality, beliefs and values, and in turn, find attractiveness in them, not your income earning potential.
3. Stay away from boasting about your children, if you have them. If the relationship moves forward, your date will be given the opportunity to meet your children and form his/her own views.
4. Do not discuss sexual practices or experiences with past loves. A first date is not the appropriate time to discuss these topics. This is something that should be broached as the relationship progresses and you find yourself ready to be intimate.
5. Don’t talk about how miserable and lonely you are. That is a huge turn-off and should be kept between you and your therapist or trusted friend. You also run the risk of appearing “desperate” or “looking for a relationship for the wrong reasons.”
6. Discussing health issues and physical ailments are a no-no. That will land you in the “problem child” category. Everyone has issues of their own to handle, and a first date is not the place to air them.
7. Avoid the following topics: special diets and arrest records. Need I say more?”
As seen on Seven First Date Dos – And Definite Don’ts on eHarmony
Who knew that first date etiquette was so detailed?! While eHarmony is a reputable source, always go with how you feel. If you want to talk or do any of the items listed above, and you feel comfortable doing so, then go for it! What first date rules have you made for yourself? What are some of your best and worst first date experiences?! We’ve all been there, so let’s share with the group and maybe give each other a good laugh!